Party capital of Utah - Salt Lake City

So, here we are. New Year's, and we're drinking sherry after the futile expedition to find some party somewhere in this godforsaken Mormon city.

It started well. El Chanate, dollar tacos, 12 dollar jugs with a good few lifties, ticket checkers and mountain school peeps, courtesy of Jane. We watched a lovely torchlight procession down the mountain followed by some uneventful fireworks (which we didn't see because we were standing at the counter trying to sort our bill. This took over 30 mins.)

We then jumped in the employee van, having first succeeded in getting it unstuck out of the snow, and were joined by some merry campers slugging beer and Jagermeister. At this point it was still looking good.

Exit at the bars. First up, the Porcupine. Which is actually a restaurant. Ditched that and went to the Canyon Inn. Just 10 dollars entrance, including membership for 3 weeks (this is Utah). Brian (the server) advised us to go elsewhere. Half an hour walk down a dingy, dark, winding road - pee stops required - to find the Hogs Wallow. Closed. Here are the two guys who refused to let us in.









So, we then walked half an hour back. Attempted to buy bourbon. Failed, only 3.2 lager allowed as we weren't eating. Met random colleague Ben and his 2 friends from San Fran and Miami who were dressed in suit jackets whilst we were in our scussy ski clothes. Only a back shot of them I'm afraid.

Left Porcupine for the mission home. Long, dark, cold, icy footpaths. No people. Anywhere. Apart from dodgy guy and Daisy the lost dog. 45 mins later, we come across The Huddle, Sports Bar recommended by Ben. 8 TV screens, 8 different sports. Attendance = 15. Membership = 5 dollars. IDed again (Score).

Left again for another mission home, decided to ditch Maggies (another recommended bar) for another day. So over it. So in need of a sherry. Arrive home with 15mins to spare to midnight. ROCK AND ROLL.

It's true. In Utah, the snow and the mountain is amazing, the nightlife is shit. So we're getting up early tomorrow and heading up the hill.

This will be the first New Year's in 6 years that I've not completely overdone it to the extent I've felt awful for a week but had stories to dine out on for way more than that. It feels a little strange! This is what I wanted, but it's all just a bit boring. Please live it up for me in London, at least a little!

Christmas

It's been a very different Christmas for me this year. I miss family Grant. So far, there's been no stress in the kitchen, no talking over each other in an effort to make ourselves heard, no inappropriate confessions of our sins over the family dinner. Instead I'm typing this in the basement with Spencer the house husband checking on the turkey, after a full day's work and a couple of sneaky runs on the hill. I kind of knew I could count on Spence to do the dinner. He not only has the practical skills I lack, he can cook. I just texted him instructions this morning and hey presto, a full dinner appears. Score.

So, what do you think of the illuminated Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus? Jesus has a new blanket over him after the foot of snow we got last night. Here they are in context too, in front of the dome with the snowmen that blows fake snow around. Yes, I know. Scary.

I kind of think these pics are appropriate for my Christmas post. You'll have seen this message before, I'm sure, but I think it's so appropriate, particularly at this time of year. I just love the last line. It reminds me of someone many of you know.

The paradox of our age

We have bigger houses, but smaller families;
More conveniences but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgement;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicines, but less healthiness.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour.
We've built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
We have become long on quantity but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;
Tall man but short character;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.
It is a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room.

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Mum sent me this card, as well as a Santa parcel - four presents, all individually wrapped. Totally unnecessary, but really lovely. My Mum is wonderful, I love her to bits.

Mountains

As a counter to the additive post - just look at this mountain. It is so beautiful. And so steep. We're in the middle of a three day storm which should fill up some of the terrain. There is just so much really good skiing here and I doubt I'll even discover half of it this year. Skiing today in about 25cms of fresh snow, even more in places. My legs are killing me from all the back-seat steering I was doing!! I'll get there..... after all, I've got lots of time to practice.


And here's my house, first thing in the morning. It's so big. I haven't lived anywhere so large for so little rent for 10 years.

Land of the additive

Coffeemate. It's just so vile and it's everywhere.

How does this sound?: corn syrup solids, vegetable oil, partially hydrogenated coconut or palm kernel, hydrogenated soybean, sodium caseinate, dipotassium phosphate, mon and diglycerides, artificial flavor, annatto color.

Yummy. What's wrong with just milk?

I bought some oatmeal the other day (isn't that a much better word than porridge? It just sounds tastier.) Got to work and opened up what I thought was just a box of oats - to find it had multiplied into lots of baby oatmeal sachets. And the ingredients when I looked? Not just oats. Oats, sugar, salt and a whole host of other stabilisers and stuff. Just how can oatmeal be anything but oats?

Well, at least my food bills shouldn't be too much; it's so hard to find anything au naturel. Just as well really as I got my first pay cheque today: I'm getting paid so little I get a cheque every fortnight. It covers my rent but doesn't even make a dent in all the fantastic new ski kit I've decided is a necessity for this season. Oh well, out will come the cards. It's the American way and I'm embracing it.

Welcome to America

I'm in culture shock. Really. I didn't expect it to be quite so different. We speak the same language, but that's really where the similarity ends. (Although I've already been told to remember Utah is not the US. Of course I'm cheerfully ignoring that and doing my usual generalisation thing.)

So... in Salt Lake City, you'll find..... cars. But no ordinary cars. Monster trucks, more monster trucks and yes, more monster trucks. Fancy a little stroll down the High Street for a coffee? Forget it. People literally drive everywhere, including from one end of the parking lot to the other. It seems so quiet in the streets but people are around, just in their cars and in the malls. Crossing the road is an adventure all by itself.

Salt Lake City is huge. It just sprawls for miles and miles along the valley. You can really see why America is so worried about the lack of oil - if we don't find alternative energy sources, they will have to completely rethink their urban planning.

It snowed a couple of days ago and there's a big storm coming this weekend so we're all getting overexcited. I'm still holed up in this crappy motel with my new roommate Spencer; we're getting along just grand considering I'm waking him up every morning at 5.30 to go to work and he's bugging me with (fortunately) mild snoring and a bit of late night post-beer stumbling. Jane arrives in a few days and we'll be camping in our beautiful 5 bed house with garden by Friday.

Oh, and I forgot to mention my lovely little job in the mountains where I get to talk to people all day and use the posh spa for free. It's all coming together nicely, just as it always does!! I'm a very lucky girl.

The end of the road?

So here's the reflective post. Warning. This may contain scenes of a self-revelatory nature. I read once, think it may have been on Tamsin's blog, that all this blogging is really terribly self-indulgent. We reveal our innermost thoughts in the vain hope that our loved ones will be reading and somehow understand us better. Perhaps that's the motivation behind this; perhaps it's more about summarising for myself what I've learnt along the way - so when I end up prostituting myself to the corporate devil once more I'll remember what's really important.

Of everything I've done, living and working in a small village on the banks of the Kinabatangan in Borneo provided the biggest shift in experience for me. I'm still not a fan of the Raleigh organisation (being forced to eat porridge and pasta in the land of nasi lemak is just a travesty), but I could never have done it on my own and it really does attract some inspirational people, not least of whom was Toby. We worked so well together, it's the first time in my life I've really allowed someone else to lead a project whilst I took on a secondary role, clucking around all my little chickens. I just loved it; I was surprisingly good at it. I realise just how much of a collectivist I am, I'm at my best when I have others to focus on. It's my Scottish upbringing, something I've seen as a hindrance for so many years but which I now realise has actually instilled me with some great values.







To be with Toby when he died on that road felt so unreal and so unfair. We were so lucky nobody else was killed; the others have made a fantastic recovery. The accident has been a defining experience for me: to know that when the shit really hits the fan, I can step up to the mark and hold it together for everyone else is hugely empowering. It was the first time in my life where my behaviour really mattered and I did both of us proud, both at the time and afterwards. At the end of the expedition I had to accept some flags for his family from the Malaysian government; as I went up to receive them I got this amazing round of applause from over 100 Raleighites in the room. It really was one of the saddest and proudest moments of my life. Pretty much everyone I've met on my trip knows all about Toby, I still talk about him a lot. This pic of us was taken as we were dropped off at the village for the first time. A fun time, we just laughed so much. Biting fireants and noodles for breakfast, neither of which he coped with very well. The pic of me and the group is just after the accident, back in KK. It really is a miracle there are so many people in it.

And it was Toby's death that led to a more concrete exploration of Buddhism, firstly in Scotland when I came back in June, then in Nepal. It partly reinforced what I learnt on the banks of the Kinabatangan. Life is just not all about me! But having more awareness and control over yourself allows you to be of more benefit to others. And there's little point in expending all your energy trying to change your external circumstances, it's really your internal world you need to master. I'm really convinced of that now and I'm definitely in a quieter, calmer phase. I have my moments, but the excess of years past seems so far away, it's just not me anymore.



Having said all that, I did manage to be hugely self-indulgent and take 2 months just to ski...... and I really improved thanks to some great instruction and fantastic terrain. So I've learnt I love skiing. Hmm, yes, that's an insight. Seriously though, being outside and active is so important for me, I can't live without it. (It's the years of being forced up the Caterthuns with my fellow Granties in the freezing cold and driving sleet. Scarred me for life.)

Skiing also taught me much more than I thought: I realise what's stopping me progressing is really just commitment, you have to fling yourself down difficult terrain, even when you're afraid. Just like life and I realise I've not done enough of this. I tend to chop and change in a 'grass is greener' sort of way. Although I do think that's partly a result of focusing on the wrong things: status, money, security and conformity do not a happy Hannah make. But I will definitely commit properly to whatever I decide to do next. Increasingly I think that's actually the answer for most things in life. Just do things properly. Don't be half-hearted and don't give up at the first hurdle.

Of course I had a companion in my head pretty much the whole way through, not something I'd recommend for those of you considering a long trip, but life has a habit of getting in the way. Meeting Nathan and falling in love again was so unexpected and so lovely: I spent the first half of the journey in a state of happy excitement and the second half hurt and just so disappointed that it was not what I thought. There are lessons of course, probably the most important of which is to trust my intuition. It told me that all was not well but I suppressed it, thinking it was just my fear of getting involved again. It wasn't. Intuition is a powerful, powerful thing and we ignore it at our peril. It even told me exactly what I needed to worry about. Anyway. Enough of that.

As for travel itself, seeing more of the world and how people live is endlessly fascinating. We are all so interesting and really not so different from each other in terms of what we want, not at the core at least. I also realise just how fortunate I am to have been born with English as my first language and to have had the luxury of an education and therefore employment. I have never had to worry about where my next meal is coming from. It's an excess of things that bothers me, not a lack! We may be materially rich in the West, but I feel we've lost our sense of community and what's truly important in life.

So is this the end of the road? In terms of 'what on earth next', it's really where the fun begins. The experience has shifted my perspective and I won't be able to reverse. For first time in my life, I realise that who you are as a person is more important than what you achieve. Sounds simple, but really, this is a revelation for me. At the same time, I also know I want to make more of contribution to others than I've done to date. Got some ideas, so we'll see.

Anyway, I've decided to shelve all big questions for now.... I fly to Salt Lake City next Wednesday in pursuit of the best powder snow in the world and the ability to tackle it. I can't wait. Here's a snow pic to get me in the mood, as if I needed any assistance. I want to do lots of walking to the best stuff this winter.

I've got new Puma speedcats for just under a tenner

So excited! They may be rip offs and I may have bought the wrong size but that's not the point. They're a bargain.

I'm in Bangkok. I love it. There's so much to it, you'd need a week to even start to get a feel for it. It's just the right mix between tacky and cool. And the food is amazing, I've been eating since I got here. I can't believe I went out with Steve "I can cook fantastic Thai food" Faloon for 6 months and he only made me tom yam soup once. I missed a trick there. Mix that with the Buddhist practice (there are literally wats on every corner) and there's so much colour and vibrancy. Very different from Malaysia and being here has just reminded me I never did see the rest of SE Asia. Another time! Is anyone buying me lottery tickets when I'm away?

I met up with Sally yesterday which was great, it makes such a difference to see somewhere with someone who speaks the language and knows the country. They just love the king here. It's his 80th birthday this year and his 60th year on the throne, he's the longest-reigning monarch in the world. Today was some sort of holiday, I never did quite work out what was going on but I saw a couple of 'extra' golden buddhas not normally open to the public. No idea where I was, I just went with the tuk-tuk driver's flow. Had to visit a few gem shops to get a cheap ride, the drivers get coupons for petrol if they take tourists there. I was feeling benevolent, compared to Nepal there's hardly anyone trying to rip you off.

I'm already fantasising about the mini break we're going to have here. A long weekend of total excess. All is possible here and people are up for it. Iain, did you love it? It's so you. You should see the amount of scallies. Got talking to a couple of guys tonight from somewhere in deepest darkest Kent. Imagine Dan Walker's accent, increase his body size, add tattoos, a lot of lager and a traveller's tan. Rough as. Good fun. Iain, your heaven, although no tracksuits I'm afraid. And there's also MBK - a huge shopping mall. After an hour I had to leave, I was frazzled. It's so noisy! Blaring pop music and teenagers everywhere. I think we'd send Greig there whilst we cruised.

On a more serious note, if I was to continue the sex tourism theme from Nepal, I'd talk about all the western guys here for the Thai women but I'm not in a right-on mood tonight. It's pretty shocking though. I keep staring at all the couples, I have to check myself at times.

Lost in Kathmandu

I just love this sign. I laughed so much when I came across it. It pretty much sums up my experience in central Kathmandu, I seemed to go round and round in circles. Leaving today after a really interesting couple of days here; got back in the sightseeing zone after too many days sitting on my arse drinking sweet tea and eating chocolate croissants in Pokhara.

Yesterday I got up early and went to Boudhanath before the tourists arrived - at 7.30am you have the Tibetans for company and it's really an amazing experience to be there with them as they walk round the Stupa chanting their mantras quietly to themselves. I then spent the best part of an hour in one of the monasteries in some sort of a puja; it was so powerful. It's really hard to convey in words how it feels to be there with all the monks chanting and the gongs and trumpets blasting. I even got to threw some rice around at appropriate moments which was quite fun.

A successful local bus trip later, squashed in a minibus driven by a 14 year old, I arrived at Pashputinath which is one of the most holy Hindu temples in Nepal. It's also where families cremate their dead on the ghats by the river. People here are much more comfortable with death, possibly because of the belief in reincarnation, possibly because they're in contact with it much more often, I'm not sure.

To top off a fascinating day, I then managed not only to get on another minibus but to recognise where I was and get off at the right point without being manhandled out by the bus workers that hang off the side. They do their best to help silly tourists like me who decide they want the local experience.

And that was all in one day. Here are the rest of the pics. I've not seen enough of Nepal. Trekking isn't Nepal, it doesn't give you much of a feel for how the Nepalese live their lives. Ah well, I'll just have to come back. Maybe after a trip to India for more spiritual searching or something, we'll see. Oh I have the bug now. I knew I shouldn't have started.... I buried it away and tried to do what I was supposed to be doing instead. But now it's multiplying the more I see and do. I'm going to need a cure.

Just 21 days and you too could have legs of steel

That's as long as you're prepared to walk 5 to 7 hours a day, pretty much relentlessly up and down, up and down. The rivers get in the way of the path, it's most inconvenient!

This pic is of Annapurna South at sunrise - you stand in this bowl at the base camp and all around you are mountains. It's just incredible.

Back from my trek around the Annapurna circuit and into the Annapurna base camp and now relaxing in the funky little part of Pokhara, just far enough away from the tourist hell that is the main drag. (Although compared to Kathmandu it's peanuts.) I really do have legs of steel now. I keep feeling them and getting excited - just in time for the ski season. No doubt I'll be forcing you all to feel them too when I get back. Watch out.

Follow the links above for the pics if you have a spare hour. I went a bit mad on the photos and I'm going to let them do the talking as far as the route is concerned. There are lots of trekkers but deservedly so - the route passes through such varied landscapes and cultures and gives amazing views of some of the highest mountains in the world. It has felt very much like a holiday as opposed to travel proper, it's all very set up for Western visitors - porridge, Mars bars, even lasagne for dinner. But it didn't get in the way of the experience, there's a nice "we're in it together" spirit about the whole thing, you see the same people each day and get to chat about how dizzy/tired/hot/cold/hungry/sweaty you feel and how long it took you to get from A to B. (Incidentally, my "trekking Nepali" now extends to all of these descriptions and I've impressed the guides and porters no end.)

It has however really made me think about the impact of tourism here. First off, I spent a lot of the trek fighting off my guide who became increasingly upset when I did not melt into his arms en route. He behaved like a petulant child and we ended up falling out almost daily. As my friend Kathryn said in her cute Canadian accent "God, it's such a high school relationship!". I decided enough was enough after a fortnight of it; we terminated our relationship and I headed into the Annapurna Sanctuary with Kathryn ("did I tell you I do triathlons?") and her guide instead. But it is partly us in the West who have caused this behaviour - it's not unheard of for guides to hook up with their female clients. Which would be fair enough if it was on an equal basis, but it's not. So many of these guys see a Western girlfriend as their ticket to the best sex of their lives... and possibly out of Nepal and to the West. Most Nepalis don't have sex before they are married so the men are fascinated by our freedom to have relationships with whomever we choose. And of course they see all the wealth we flaunt and want some of our "easy life". They don't realise that an "easy life" in the West for them would most likely be on some godawful council estate in a horrible dead-end job, struggling to make ends meet and to integrate into our world. (Unless of course they actually do bag the rich Western girlfriend... )

Moreover, the tourist dollar often doesn't go to the local communities, it goes to some businessman in Kathmandu who has the money to invest in the teahouses. It costs money to import all the goods we "need" as Westerners, goods and services the average Nepali can never afford. And my current personal favourite - Nepalis have to break the law to bring us steaks. As a Hindu country, cows are sacred and it's illegal to kill them, although they may well be passing yak or buffalo meat off as steak, I'm actually not sure. Consider that 30% of the population live below the poverty line, 80% live on under $2 a day and only 48% of women can read and write - and I think we should try and think about our impact a little bit more. There's lots of publicity about plastic water bottles but I think we're having more of a social and cultural impact - and I know it's not all bad either. Just worth thinking about.

I didn't see the same envy and lusting after a western lifestyle in Borneo, but then my experience there was very different. I'm aware I'm not even scratching the surface of the real Nepal, I'm only seeing a tourist version.

I'm still with Kathryn, we're having a lovely relaxing time in Pokhara. We were just saying this morning how easily we could get stuck here. I even look like a hippy, I'm blending in beautifully with the other travellers. Check out this pic. Oh dear, that skirt, call the fashion police.

Meditating on the meaning of life

Well, I've gone from flaming hot f*cks in a ski town (shots of Baileys and Midori set on fire as opposed to anything more interesting I'm afraid) to ten days contemplating the purpose of life in Kopan, a Tibetan Buddhist monastery just outside Kathmandu.

It really has been an amazing experience and at times extremely challenging. I can honestly say that my perspective on my life has shifted somewhat. Being exposed to your own delusions is very uncomfortable to say the least but I am sure what I've learned will stay with me.

The rituals associated with Tibetan Buddhism were at times rather too much but I suspended my disbelief for once and I even did prayers and prostrations. Did you know that before 1959 there were around 6000 monasteries in Tibet? Such a rich spiritual life, so imaginative. If I compare it to the dour Church of Scotland and all those hard pews and mournful hymns... it's a world away. It's no wonder nobody goes anymore.

I did also realise at one point that four years ago at this time I was away with the fairies at the closing parties in Ibiza... and now there I was chanting mantras and meditating for 5 hours a day. I guess it's all about altered states of consciousness really. I even managed to stay completely silent for a day and a half. Yes, that's 36 hours. (It was supposed to be 48 but I just couldn't do it. I actually started talking to myself. You know how I love the sound of my voice.)

Struggling to cope with frantic Kathmandu after so much peace.... so having spent a fortune on fake trekking gear I'm off to the Himalayas tomorrow. Back in about 4 weeks, unless I get kidnapped by Maoist rebels.

Pics of monastic life are here. Haven't got nearly as many of the monks as I'd have liked, it seemed somewhat disrespectful to snap away at them doing their mantras. Have a look at the sunrise ones. 5.30am over the Kathmandu valley. Just beautiful.

Wanaka moments

I'm typing this in Wellington having just left Catherine; it was so great to see a London friend! Here are the pics, she looks fantastic. We've drunk loads of coffee and caught up on the last 6 months.

I wanted to capture my favourite moments from the season in Wanaka before I move on to the next chapter. It really has been great, particularly the last month as I've got to know people better and relaxed into myself a bit more. Sod travelling proper. You never get beyond the standard travel chat: "so where you from? / where you been? / where you going?" It's all very superficial. I must start working on my travel chat-up lines. Something along the lines of: "so what mess are you running away from then?" would yield much more interesting material, I'm sure.

As ever, it's people who make your world. So here's the rolecall of those people and moments.

Jane, who has been the best possible roomie ever. I knew we were going to get on just grand when we had an evening swapping stories of misbehaving madness. Jane had visions of Medusa-style snakes in her companion's hair this NY. Fantastic. We have dominated 10A for two months; only Morton the Danish hunter has got close to disturbing this domination.

Russ and Jesse for arriving like little angels sent by the universe to play with me. The best night was being hijacked by them on the way back home from yoga class and dragged to Canteen. I'd been walking along the street feeling really sad about Nathan but several Speights and bourbon shots later, I had trouble even remembering his name. Thanks boys.

Hours spent trying to impress Jonno the chef with my cooking and baking. I must have made scones about six times and he still said they were rockcakes, not scones. But they did taste good. And you should have tasted Claire's recipe for flourless chocolate cake that I made for Russ and Jesse's BBQ.

Great chairlift chat with Daisy and Leigh, top ski mates and coffee drinkers. Or tea in Leigh's case because he is just so English.

Skiing fast with Russ one sunny afternoon in the Saddle; yet again, he helped me turn my day around. There was just so much life philosophy in that afternoon. And I rocked! At least until I fell over.

Hammering Jagerbombs with sleazy Colin and holding my own in the & Bar with the kids til way past 2am one Saturday - displaying my usual mature attitude to emotional upset. Yes, booze works. At least for a few hours and possibly longer depending on the carnage you manage to create! That night was pretty mild. I must finally be maturing. Pics of pub nights and things here. On the same sort of note, trying to get a hit from 'chew' supplied by Jesse - thus proving once and for all that I am a sensation-seeking nightmare all on my own and do not require the influence of Iain Cassidy.

Lunch at the Glenorchy Cafe with Russ. Shockingly beautiful scenery, lovely food, fantastic company. A really great day; in fact I'd go as far as to say awesome! (in a cheesy American game show host accent of course.) Pics of the day trips here.

Last day in the Motatapu chutes with Nick, and realising just how much my skiing had come on in the 8 weeks. It was so still and quiet and so beautiful back there away from the lifts and the people, I felt a bit tearful when we'd got to the bottom! Here's some pics of the ski area. Amazing skiing, amazing views. Oh I love skiing. Have I said that before? Oh - another top ski moment was landing that jump off the "cliff" (aka rock) with Jon. There's video evidence of me failing to land it (of course), but not of the success. Jon was great for terrifying the living daylights out of me; all very good for my skiing!

And finally.... swimming in the lake after walking a couple of hours to this secluded beach. I was the only one there for miles. Sun shining, bits freezing, totally exhiliarating. Think this was better than swimming in the sea on the West Coast but only marginally. I've got some great pics of the scenery around Wanaka, have a look.

Another thing I've really enjoyed about Wanaka is the total absence of metrosexuals. Here, it's all about snow/ ski kit/ ski technique and maybe a bit of rugby/beer. You'd never catch this lot poncing around Selfridges on a Saturday afternoon drinking Pinot Grigio and spending shedloads of cash on Nicole Farhi jumpers. Or fretting about their 'issues' for that matter. Issue = a bad day on the hill.

I've just loved Wanaka, I've loved New Zealand and I'll be back. I've been living in a touristy resort town and hanging out with Brits, Australians and Americans, I've not really experienced New Zealand at all. I want to come back and do a road trip and some serious hiking and camping; so I'll need to find some proper outdoor mates who realise a walk is more than a half hour to the nearest gastropub for lunch.

Here are all the pics, you'll need a while but I have organised them a bit so you can peruse at leisure!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/collections/72157602035840437/

Skiing as life philosophy

I am constantly amazed at how much life philosophy there is in skiing. Yes, really. Quite unexpected, I thought I was just heading over here to indulge myself, but I've learnt some good life lessons. My life and who I am is reflected in my skiing. Honestly, I've not lost it (well, not any more than usual), it's true.

• Firstly, don't overthink. Just do it. Don't let your head get in the way.
  
• Secondly, it's not rocket science, it's really quite simple. It's all about staying in balance.


• Thirdly, commit. Don't stand at the top of the chute and scare yourself out of it. Go for it. And keep moving, don't hang out in the turn. Or you'll come unstuck and hit a rock.
  

I had a really sad day the other day, got a really upsetting mail and couldn't get it out of my head. It was even interfering with my skiing. (The bastard.) And just as I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, Russ came up behind me and asked if I wanted company for the afternoon; he's the instructor I've skied with the most and we've become friends. He had managed to escape the evil snow school clutches to get in some decent skiing at last. So I worked very hard to keep up with him for the afternoon, he's an old ski racer so it was quite hard (and I know he was being kind to me)....and then just at the end of the day, I took a huge fall whilst whacking unbalanced into an unseen mogul. Biggest one yet by far, I hurtled down the hill at great speed. And I got up, dusted myself down, smiled, put my skis back on and kept moving. Had a great afternoon, totally turned the whole day around. Russ told me I need to learn to self-arrest. How true!

You see? There are so many life lessons in skiing.

I don't want to leave. My time here is coming to an end all too soon as I knew it would. Here's a kea surveying the view. Keas are these cool kiwi parrots that munch everything in sight including inedible things like rubber on windscreen wipers.

Chris Burnie is a machine

I had suspected it all along but I got confirmation the other week. Hooked up with Chris and his girlfriend Chrissy the other day at Cardrona, it was so great to see a Batu Puteh face. It was Chris' first day on skis, so off he went to his lesson in the morning whilst we explored. (As best as we could as it is Cardrona after all and really boring unless you like terrain parks. I will post the pics of me jumping / falling off kickers when I get them. I am just too classy for the park. Something like that anyway.)

Chris was full of the joys at lunchtime because his instructor had told him he was close to parallel skiing. Yeah, right, thought I, they always tell you you're better than you are. But no. By the end of the afternoon Chris was skiing all over the hill. I was so impressed! So sick! Obviously it's those years as a gymnast which have given him those abs and that back. And the balls to go for it. It's so unfair. He's got a 1st in neuroscience from Cambridge too. And he's a great guy. In fact I hate him.... so I made sure to take him down some baby bumps just as he was getting really cocky. Result! As you can see above.

Life as a ski bum

Here's the view over the lake as the sun sets, it's so amazing and I still appreciate it every day. I've been here for a month now and life has settled into a nice little rhythm. But I'm really a very bad ski bum. Real ski bums are very very poor but I keep forgetting I'm not earning. I just cannot live without at least one latte a day and custom made footbeds for my ski boots.

There are however are some tricks to being a bad ski bum. Firstly, hitch up the road. Not only does it save you $25 a day, you also meet some interesting people. And I am sure being female helps hugely with the transport process. I've even been lucky enough to get an extremely nice dinner out of it, followed by mojitos and some single malt. My (now extremely grotty) puma trainers didn't quite live up to the occasion.... Even better, I skiied with an ex ski-patroller (for those not in the know, these guys are God on the mountain, way higher than instructors on the cool scale. You've got to be able to ski anything with a stretcher behind you. And you get to set off avalanche bombs.) He reckoned the only thing wrong with my skiing was too much oestregen in my body. Praise indeed. Although I wasn't quite so happy as he zipped off down this gnarly chute expecting me to follow.

I had such a great day today. Probably the best one yet. It's all just coming together and I've been working hard at it for the last few weeks so it's very gratifying. I just love skiing so much. It's different every time as the snow conditions and the terrain changes and it's all about being able to respond to that as you move and maintain your balance and technique. Along with windsurfing, it has the ability to tune me out of all the other thoughts in my head - and for the whole day too. Skiied with a guy from Lake Tahoe today, he's really good and was taking me over jumps and down some really narrow chutes.... Oh I love skiing!! Have I said that already? I'm still not bored of it. I can talk about it for hours. I've even developed a penchant for ski perving. You go into a gear shop and spend time nerding over all the kit you can't afford. IPT bindings and side cuts anyone?

My roommate is a fantastic girl called Jane who's from Sydney and is a real free spirit, unlike me who's just playing at it for a while! We swap life adventures and indulge in vicarious gossip about the gang in the hostel. She's really making my time in Wanaka, it's a real stroke of luck.

You'll also be amazed to know I've been doing loads of cooking and baking. There's a real live decent chef in our place, he normally works for Bill Grainger (some famous Ossie chef). Many an evening has been spent trying and failing to impress him with my efforts. I've always mixed it a bit too long/ not cooked the flour enough/ created too many dishes to wash up/ not thought about the presentation enough.... Richard Valle Jones, eat your heart out. It's mussels night tomorrow. (I told you, a very bad budget traveller.)

Heaven

Here I am, above the clouds. This was my first day at Treble Cone. It was marvellous. Got my bargain new gear out, skied the bumps on my first day and it was all topped off with a great lesson with Jesse from Vail. The North Americans are always the best - just so focused on you! He was also a fantastic skier, so light on his feet, I could have watched him for hours. Jesse says I'm a sandbagger. An American term for people who say they're not that great at something but actually they are.... obviously he was referring to my skiing, I told him that was actually the story of my life.

New Zealand is stunning. It really is pretty much one big national park. Which is probably why there are so many tourists - 2.4million a year to be precise. And with a population of just 4.1 million, they are truly everywhere. Getting off the beaten track isn't easy; I managed to meet some 30 something kiwis in Christchurch over a few beers and an All Blacks game, great to meet some real people and not just travellers. I'm not entirely sure I'm cut out for travelling proper; I'm too lazy to pack up every day or two and move on. I like getting the feel of somewhere and seeing the same people for a little while. And of course I need a focus! I'm actually starting to miss work now. Yes, I know.... am I mad? Never mind, skiing is the new project. Oh how tough.

Here's the view I was taking in when I got a very wasted phone call from the gang on Saturday night/ Sunday morning, celebrating Greig's birthday. Me: 12.30pm, on the bus to Wanaka, just passing Lake Tekapo. Them: 1.30am. Iain's flat. And yes Iain, I feel very pure and virtuous, of course I do, I am as far away from your bad influence as it's possible to be! (-; Thanks for ringing. It really did make me giggle for a long time afterwards. And the rest of the bus too I suspect. It was lovely to hear all of your voices, even if they were a little incoherent. Oh, and Shim, my tooth is OK again now. Phew! It was obviously just having an off day.

Auckland

Here I am on the other side of the world. It's rather rainy and cold, but there's still not a lot of snow. I've been faithfully doing my prayers to the snow Buddha in the morning so I'm sure it'll come by the time I get down to the South Island next week. Found a lovely little house in Parnell, just out of the city centre, full of shops selling lovely cafe lattes and lots of Germans. Und ich kann noch Deutsch reden so I'm pretty proud of myself. I kind of thought New Zealand was the same size as the UK... and I'd get down south in about 6 hours or so, but no. It's taking 3 days on the scenic and environmentally-friendly route.

As for Auckland, it's nice. Safe, friendly, nice. Greig, you'd hate it. It doesn't have an edge at all. Even the supposedly trendy K Road is really not that trendy. I like it. I've had conversations with people at the bus stop and in shops and cafes. People have time for you. I was even invited in to an agency the other day for a look round after I got stuck staring at the cans of inspiration on sale for just 15 dollars. One of the agency's guiding principles is to go sailing every Sunday. Let's just say I can definitely see the appeal of living and work down under. Lots of sunshine, water to play on and cute little extinct volcanoes. What more do you need?

A spiritual quest

I've spent the last couple of weeks up at my Mum's, just outside Forres. Which for those of you who are geographically-challenged is not far from Inverness. It's such a beautiful part of the world, so much open space and you get amazing views of the hills on the Black Isle over the Moray Firth. I got a little kitchen job at the Buddhist Centre, Shambala, which is where these pictures were taken. (Plug: they do B & B so stay if you're in the area). It's such an amazing house, it's got the most incredible energy. I met two really interesting Buddhist nuns, one of whom is originally from Stirling and got into Buddhism when travelling in India and the other is American and was a Methodist minister in the US for 18 years before discovering Buddhism. The whole experience has really affected me. I can highly recommend being unemployed; I have switched back to a whole world of thinking and debate that has been completely lost to me for many years. And I can't help but reflect that had Toby not died, I wouldn't be here and it's been a really fantastic trip in all sorts of ways. It's so true, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. (Although I do think we've lost the plot in this country in terms of how we're living, but that's another story.)

And as Lucy remarked to me the other night when I told her what I'd been up to: "you are turning into your mother". True. But that wouldn't be a bad thing. She is 60 years young this week. She looks amazing and is such an interesting person to be with because she has kept learning and growing. If I'm half the person she is at her age I will be happy. Mind you, she did take me to this hippy dippy thing on Sunday where I was told I would be singing (OK) but actually we had to do a dance in a circle whilst singing to our partners (not OK and required a serious suspension of disbelief). Iain, I wish you could have been there. Although I would not have been able to contain myself if you had been.

More bonnie Scotland pics www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/z83f40

So....New Zealand here I come! I'm going to hook up with Catherine there, yet another shining example of life happening when you're making other plans. In her case he's a kiwi skipper encountered somewhere on the North Island. She's put a fantastic post up about happiness, she is such a good writer so have a look. I particularly liked this part which really rang true for me: "I didn't leave London knowingly in pursuit of happiness; I was chugging along quite nicely thank you, with the aid of cigarettes, coffee and alcohol. (When you've got stimulants, who needs happiness huh?!)"

My labour of love

I've pulled together the best of all the Raleigh pics from about ten memory cards. Obviously it's a biased view. But if you've got an hour and a half to spare, here are the links and they are well worth a look. As Rory predicted, I'm now looking at the whole experience through rose-tinted specs. (But no Chris, I am not doing another one, even if it is in Tibet. No, no, and no.) Interesting aside: I'm doing this at my Mum's, she's just told me I type as if I'm playing the piano. I'm not sure if this is a compliment or a terrible testimony to my computer addiction.

For all my moaning about Raleigh rules and structure, I gained so much from it. Being in a totally different environment really makes you think about what you enjoy and what is important to you in life. I got a completely different perspective and that is what I needed, I was so so stuck. I can't believe I was afraid to give up the job, it seems so unimportant now. And there's nothing like watching someone you love die to make you realise you have to go for what you want in life because you never know when your time is up.

Anyway, here are the links to the pics. Enjoy. Beware. There are lots.
Raleigh staff training http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/g7gp8M
Alpha 6 phase 1 http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/hfs180
Alpha 6 phase 2 http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/4m10Z3
Alpha 6 phase 3 http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/f934i8
End of Raleigh and Mount K http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/nz381A

Well, here I am again

As ever, things haven't quite gone according to plan (to put it mildly) and I find myself back in the UK. How very odd but also quite lovely. Funny how you travel half way across the world just to appreciate what's important to you here. (Although I didn't appreciate myself at the weekend, straight back into London living and was exhausted after multiple bus / tube/ train journeys from north to south and back again, not helped by multiple pinot grigios and marlboro menthols. Yes, you read right. I needed a vice on Raleigh and other than donuts and crackers and peanut butter, they seemed the most rebellious option. I know, I'm so rock and roll. Or maybe just stuck at 15 years old... discuss.)

Anyway, just back from a trip up to Derbyshire to meet Toby's family and Emily, his girlfriend. It's a beautiful part of the world and being there reminded me of a more innocent time when I used to spend my weekends running around in the Dales with Rob. I do love it up there. It was great to meet them and talk about Toby and how he was when he was with them as well as how we were in Borneo. Have uploaded a few pics. Feeling sad for them but thankful he was so loved during his life.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157600293673032/detail/

The irreplaceable Tobs

I'm sure I'll think of much more to write on Toby over time, I'm not yet at the point where I've gathered all my favourite quotes and moments, I'll do that in due course. We had such a great time together. The guys are doing grand, they're getting special treatment in KK. Pizzas, trips to town, iced Milo courtesy of Raleigh.... total luxury. I've had time out today which has been great and Vicci and I spent much of the afternoon talking about Toby and life in Coffee Bean, it was much needed. I've uploaded some pics of him. Take a look. http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157600139139333/detail/

I am thinking of everyone in the village who have just blown me away with their support. I am looking forward to going back and seeing them all although I know it will upset me a lot. Toby loved the guys, he loved the ecolodge and the Kinabatangan. I'll make sure you see why once I have plenty time to sort my pics. Toby's Mum and Dad and Emily, his girlfriend, are never far from my thoughts. He was 29 just 5 days before he died. We had a great birthday evening for him, he was so against us celebrating it and we arranged it all in secret. And he enjoyed it, the grumpy sod.

Not sure what the title of this should be

The last few days have been very surreal and it's hard to know what to write - I don't want to use this to talk about the accident and the aftermath, I really want to use it to talk about how wonderful Toby was and how much I respected and trusted him and how much of a laugh we had. I've got no time just now, I have to get back to the group, but I'll write more tomorrow.

Surviving

Back in KK for a couple of nights to pick up the third and final group, I can't believe it's all going so quickly. No internet access in the back of beyond, hence the lack of news. Thanks for the mails, they are making my changeover, I miss all my lovely friends. Highlights so far: the boat ride to work in the morning, getting a cuddle from a lovely lady orang-utan, adopting Martin the monitor lizard as our camp pet, Toby (my fellow project manager) streaking through the woods for a dare, mud sliding down the river bank in the pouring rain, drinking iced Milo after work, sunset over the Kinabatangan river, playing forfeits with some crazy Malaysian guys, doing a mini ceilidh with the locals for my birthday. Which was a bit hot and sweaty but there you go, it was fun. Lowlights: infected mozzie bites, dreadful toothache, crackers and peanut butter for lunch every day, sweltering heat, never being clean and generally feeling like an androgynous being as opposed to a woman. I painted my toenails today and am in as full make-up as I can manage. It is bliss! Back in the land of tinternet proper sometime after the middle of May so will sort out pics then. For some reason I'm grappling with a Norwegian version of blogger. In Malaysia? Not sure what's going on.....

Getting to grips with the eco lodge

I have the best project with one of the funniest guys on this Raleigh trip who also happens to have the practical skills I don't. He is/was a tree surgeon and is now training to be an environmental architect. Basically I have lucked out. Just back from a 3 day trip to check it all out, we had a right laugh being bitten by fire ants; waiting for buses that never came; eating with our right hand only and grappling with some crappy radio that didn't work. (We gave up and took a trip to the mobile phone shop, none of this alpha bravo boy scout nonsense, I will be ringing the ambulance direct when one of the guys chops his leg off with a circular saw.)

For the next 10 weeks or so I'll be based on the Kinabatangan river which is one of the best places to see wildlife in Borneo. I'll be going to work by boat, the site is 10 mins downstream. Saw a monkey yesterday. Check out the location of the lodge, it's overlooking an oxbow lake, isn't it amazing? I'll write more about the project when I'm a bit more awake, it's all very interesting, part of a sustainable tourism project to support the community. Pics to follow too.

Back in the big brother house tonight for more jolly hockey sticks Raleigh stuff which has been hysterical but you'd never believe it if I told you about it. The guys all arrive in a few days time so it'll be full on from then. Our first bunch have to build the camp and for the first couple of nights they'll be sleeping in their hammocks in a make-shift site. It's pretty hardcore and I expect tears (probably mine). Michelle, I keep repeating your mantra: "assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups" so we have an alternative plan should all the hammocks fall down. I will keep you posted. It's pretty likely. I'm desperately practicing my knots.

First days in the jungle

Just back from 2 days training in the jungle. A bit too tired to scribble much right now.

Saw a mushroom that glowed in the dark, a plant that closed up when you touched it and the tallest type of bamboo in the world. This was some of my group coming over the wobbly bridge back to the main camp.

We've covered a lot in 2 days and I'm now supposed to know about navigation, emergency first aid, tropical medicine, long drops and basher assembly, amongst other things. As to whether I can practice all of this: let's just say I wasn't the happiest of campers at 6am this morning wrestling with a hammock having just fallen over in the mud and broken my glasses. I think I still have some way to go before I'm Jungle Jane..... More pics here http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157594544397283/

Last few days of city living

Final day in KL before I fly out to Borneo first thing tomorrow morning. Have shifted into a backpacker place after 2 'free' nights of luxury in a fabulous hotel. Oh how I enjoyed the open air swimming pool on 33rd floor. Struggled in from the airport with my ridiculous pack so promptly repacked and sent a package back home. Honestly, a denim mini skirt for a Muslim country/ the jungle.... did I think I was going to Ibiza or something??!

Haven't quite got the hang of the budgeting lark yet. Example: Decide to save money by walking 20 mins from station to hotel in boiling heat with aforementioned ridiculous pack. Then promptly guzzle beer and cashew nuts from hotel mini bar, negating saving just made. Oh well, I guess I have lots of time to practice.

KL is an amazing juxtaposition of western consumerism and eastern culture. There's so much energy here, I'm not surprised business is booming. Here are the pics. http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157594535025865/

Getting with the kidz at last

Another rainy Saturday in London.... well, it's going to be the last one of these for a while. Yippee! I fly out tomorrow at 6pm. And look, I've now got a blog, I'm a social networker at last. I guess this will be my lifeline to the world for a bit as I'll be leaving my faithful mobile behind. How am I going to cope without my daily text habit? My fingers will get edgy, I'm sure of it.

I've had such a great January. There's nothing like making a change to make you realise what you've got is actually pretty good after all. I highly recommend it. This morning I even thought Wood Green shopping centre in the rain was lovely....it must be time to leave the country. Having a few problems with the packing though - as you can see I've called in the reinforcements.

I think I've just about managed to work out this photo site thing too. I promise I won't be boring you with tales of me finding myself but will show you fun pictures instead. You have my word. I won't send those missives, I just won't. So here's a starter for ten. My last weeks in London. There's a good one of Daf in wellies. http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157594527668477/