A spiritual quest

I've spent the last couple of weeks up at my Mum's, just outside Forres. Which for those of you who are geographically-challenged is not far from Inverness. It's such a beautiful part of the world, so much open space and you get amazing views of the hills on the Black Isle over the Moray Firth. I got a little kitchen job at the Buddhist Centre, Shambala, which is where these pictures were taken. (Plug: they do B & B so stay if you're in the area). It's such an amazing house, it's got the most incredible energy. I met two really interesting Buddhist nuns, one of whom is originally from Stirling and got into Buddhism when travelling in India and the other is American and was a Methodist minister in the US for 18 years before discovering Buddhism. The whole experience has really affected me. I can highly recommend being unemployed; I have switched back to a whole world of thinking and debate that has been completely lost to me for many years. And I can't help but reflect that had Toby not died, I wouldn't be here and it's been a really fantastic trip in all sorts of ways. It's so true, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. (Although I do think we've lost the plot in this country in terms of how we're living, but that's another story.)

And as Lucy remarked to me the other night when I told her what I'd been up to: "you are turning into your mother". True. But that wouldn't be a bad thing. She is 60 years young this week. She looks amazing and is such an interesting person to be with because she has kept learning and growing. If I'm half the person she is at her age I will be happy. Mind you, she did take me to this hippy dippy thing on Sunday where I was told I would be singing (OK) but actually we had to do a dance in a circle whilst singing to our partners (not OK and required a serious suspension of disbelief). Iain, I wish you could have been there. Although I would not have been able to contain myself if you had been.

More bonnie Scotland pics www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/z83f40

So....New Zealand here I come! I'm going to hook up with Catherine there, yet another shining example of life happening when you're making other plans. In her case he's a kiwi skipper encountered somewhere on the North Island. She's put a fantastic post up about happiness, she is such a good writer so have a look. I particularly liked this part which really rang true for me: "I didn't leave London knowingly in pursuit of happiness; I was chugging along quite nicely thank you, with the aid of cigarettes, coffee and alcohol. (When you've got stimulants, who needs happiness huh?!)"

My labour of love

I've pulled together the best of all the Raleigh pics from about ten memory cards. Obviously it's a biased view. But if you've got an hour and a half to spare, here are the links and they are well worth a look. As Rory predicted, I'm now looking at the whole experience through rose-tinted specs. (But no Chris, I am not doing another one, even if it is in Tibet. No, no, and no.) Interesting aside: I'm doing this at my Mum's, she's just told me I type as if I'm playing the piano. I'm not sure if this is a compliment or a terrible testimony to my computer addiction.

For all my moaning about Raleigh rules and structure, I gained so much from it. Being in a totally different environment really makes you think about what you enjoy and what is important to you in life. I got a completely different perspective and that is what I needed, I was so so stuck. I can't believe I was afraid to give up the job, it seems so unimportant now. And there's nothing like watching someone you love die to make you realise you have to go for what you want in life because you never know when your time is up.

Anyway, here are the links to the pics. Enjoy. Beware. There are lots.
Raleigh staff training http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/g7gp8M
Alpha 6 phase 1 http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/hfs180
Alpha 6 phase 2 http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/4m10Z3
Alpha 6 phase 3 http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/f934i8
End of Raleigh and Mount K http://www.flickr.com/gp/10618273@N00/nz381A

Well, here I am again

As ever, things haven't quite gone according to plan (to put it mildly) and I find myself back in the UK. How very odd but also quite lovely. Funny how you travel half way across the world just to appreciate what's important to you here. (Although I didn't appreciate myself at the weekend, straight back into London living and was exhausted after multiple bus / tube/ train journeys from north to south and back again, not helped by multiple pinot grigios and marlboro menthols. Yes, you read right. I needed a vice on Raleigh and other than donuts and crackers and peanut butter, they seemed the most rebellious option. I know, I'm so rock and roll. Or maybe just stuck at 15 years old... discuss.)

Anyway, just back from a trip up to Derbyshire to meet Toby's family and Emily, his girlfriend. It's a beautiful part of the world and being there reminded me of a more innocent time when I used to spend my weekends running around in the Dales with Rob. I do love it up there. It was great to meet them and talk about Toby and how he was when he was with them as well as how we were in Borneo. Have uploaded a few pics. Feeling sad for them but thankful he was so loved during his life.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157600293673032/detail/

The irreplaceable Tobs

I'm sure I'll think of much more to write on Toby over time, I'm not yet at the point where I've gathered all my favourite quotes and moments, I'll do that in due course. We had such a great time together. The guys are doing grand, they're getting special treatment in KK. Pizzas, trips to town, iced Milo courtesy of Raleigh.... total luxury. I've had time out today which has been great and Vicci and I spent much of the afternoon talking about Toby and life in Coffee Bean, it was much needed. I've uploaded some pics of him. Take a look. http://www.flickr.com/photos/10618273@N00/sets/72157600139139333/detail/

I am thinking of everyone in the village who have just blown me away with their support. I am looking forward to going back and seeing them all although I know it will upset me a lot. Toby loved the guys, he loved the ecolodge and the Kinabatangan. I'll make sure you see why once I have plenty time to sort my pics. Toby's Mum and Dad and Emily, his girlfriend, are never far from my thoughts. He was 29 just 5 days before he died. We had a great birthday evening for him, he was so against us celebrating it and we arranged it all in secret. And he enjoyed it, the grumpy sod.

Not sure what the title of this should be

The last few days have been very surreal and it's hard to know what to write - I don't want to use this to talk about the accident and the aftermath, I really want to use it to talk about how wonderful Toby was and how much I respected and trusted him and how much of a laugh we had. I've got no time just now, I have to get back to the group, but I'll write more tomorrow.

Surviving

Back in KK for a couple of nights to pick up the third and final group, I can't believe it's all going so quickly. No internet access in the back of beyond, hence the lack of news. Thanks for the mails, they are making my changeover, I miss all my lovely friends. Highlights so far: the boat ride to work in the morning, getting a cuddle from a lovely lady orang-utan, adopting Martin the monitor lizard as our camp pet, Toby (my fellow project manager) streaking through the woods for a dare, mud sliding down the river bank in the pouring rain, drinking iced Milo after work, sunset over the Kinabatangan river, playing forfeits with some crazy Malaysian guys, doing a mini ceilidh with the locals for my birthday. Which was a bit hot and sweaty but there you go, it was fun. Lowlights: infected mozzie bites, dreadful toothache, crackers and peanut butter for lunch every day, sweltering heat, never being clean and generally feeling like an androgynous being as opposed to a woman. I painted my toenails today and am in as full make-up as I can manage. It is bliss! Back in the land of tinternet proper sometime after the middle of May so will sort out pics then. For some reason I'm grappling with a Norwegian version of blogger. In Malaysia? Not sure what's going on.....

Getting to grips with the eco lodge

I have the best project with one of the funniest guys on this Raleigh trip who also happens to have the practical skills I don't. He is/was a tree surgeon and is now training to be an environmental architect. Basically I have lucked out. Just back from a 3 day trip to check it all out, we had a right laugh being bitten by fire ants; waiting for buses that never came; eating with our right hand only and grappling with some crappy radio that didn't work. (We gave up and took a trip to the mobile phone shop, none of this alpha bravo boy scout nonsense, I will be ringing the ambulance direct when one of the guys chops his leg off with a circular saw.)

For the next 10 weeks or so I'll be based on the Kinabatangan river which is one of the best places to see wildlife in Borneo. I'll be going to work by boat, the site is 10 mins downstream. Saw a monkey yesterday. Check out the location of the lodge, it's overlooking an oxbow lake, isn't it amazing? I'll write more about the project when I'm a bit more awake, it's all very interesting, part of a sustainable tourism project to support the community. Pics to follow too.

Back in the big brother house tonight for more jolly hockey sticks Raleigh stuff which has been hysterical but you'd never believe it if I told you about it. The guys all arrive in a few days time so it'll be full on from then. Our first bunch have to build the camp and for the first couple of nights they'll be sleeping in their hammocks in a make-shift site. It's pretty hardcore and I expect tears (probably mine). Michelle, I keep repeating your mantra: "assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups" so we have an alternative plan should all the hammocks fall down. I will keep you posted. It's pretty likely. I'm desperately practicing my knots.